Saskboy's Pet Foil Hat Technology (PFHT)
Abandonedstuff.com
Welcome pet and foil hat fans!
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Foil Hat Mitz

February 6, 2006
You can comment on the PFHT here, and emails are welcome too:
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Buy If you'd like a PFHT of your own, I'll custom build one for $4.95US with FREE shipping. 

NEWS UPDATE November 10, 2005:    There's recently been concern that foil hats amplify brain signals.  I can assure you that in Saskboy Labs testing, we've noticed no amplification, and who are you going to trust - the bozos at MIT, or my highly trained four legged lab technicians with over 7 dog years experience?  For additional protection, I can custom modify the PFHT into the Limited Edition which has a hydrocarbon [shopping bag] layer, coated with peanut butter for additional brain wave filtration.  Polyethylene hydrocarbons are used on the Space Shuttle, and the ISS, to protect astronauts from space radiation which is no joke.
NEWS UPDATE December 22, 2005:   Saskboy Labs has determined that PFHT customers were 100% protected from Bush's illegal NSA wireless tapping.  For those affected, you might want to brush up on what "Rule of Law" means.  Saskboy remains proud to have been protecting pet brains from Bush, since 2003.
NEWS UPDATE: January 20, 2006:      The Toronto Star published a report on foil hats.  It seems the main stream media is taking notice of the importance of brain scan blocking, as are webloggers from LiveJournal.  In this Canadian election time, it's important to wear your foil hat at all times, and to also ensure your pet can't be influenced by Stephen Harper, Paul Martin, Jack Layton, or Jim Harris who all have secret NSA brain transmission technology broadcasting full blast from the US Embassy in Ottawa.

--Jump back to main blog page-- Or continue reading the many reasons to buy:

As seen on CNN Headline News!
All of my items are REAL.  You buy - you pay - I ship.

Pet Foil Hat Technology (PFHT)
is the sorta-patented system that protects you and your pet from the government's and alien's brain scan rays!

Isn't Fatboy cute? Thanks nativelady, for the picture.
Fatboy likes his PFHT
Ah, the sweet silence...
This offer is truly GINORMOUS!

Technical Jargon:

This ultra modern aluminum foil hat will protect your pet from the brain scanning rays of the NSA, certain 'bay auction' websites, fbi.com, and CIA satellites that are monitoring their little subversive thoughts.  You may not have considered this before, but your lead lined hat is worthless if your pet can give away your secrets to the very people most dangerous to you - your government!

The PFHT contains space age materials, and is guaranteed to work for your pet. All government I/O is cut off.  It's like a firewall for your pet's brain.

"PFHT" will not disappoint anyone who doesn't want to get noticed by the ever watchful and ultra secretive FBI.com!  So secret in fact, they don't even have a website.

 
Space Age features of this fantastic product: 
  • 100% effective at stopping the government from reading your pet's brain. 
  • Non-Carcinogenic!
  • Contains acceptable molar measures of uranium, radon, and chocolate = 0.0000000000314% or less.
  • Scientifically proven effective.
  • Effectiveness denied by 9 out of 10 creationists who haven't examined the intelligent design of this product.
  • Works as scalp sunscreen for bald pets.
  • Stops Fox News transmissions from penetrating your pet's impressionable and sponge-like brain.  Most other anti-propaganda devices charge extra, but this is a free feature with your purchase of the PFHT.
  • Your pet won't understand what George Bush says, when they wear the PFHT.
  • Blocks the CIA brain scans.
  • Scrambles the NSA brain scans.
  • Poaches the FBI.com brain scans.
  • Bakes potatoes when placed around a potato in a hot oven.
  • Your cat can't do Ctrl-Alt-Delete after you put the PFHT on them.  Other pets don't know how to type, so the PFHT isn't required to stop "pet keyboarding" on those other species.
  • Works as a Birthday gift for your pet!

Many happy customers

Use "The Hat" only as recommended:

  • Pet Rocks do not need the PFHT since they are immune to brain scans, because they lack brains. That, and you'll confuse the poor pet rock.
  • This particular model of Foil Hat deflector is good underwater on your fish, or outdoors in the rain. Please bring your pet in during thunderstorms.
  • Do not attempt to tamper with the PFHT.  It has built in "anti-authority" technology which will make it burst into flames upon close inspection by authorities.  Please do not put the PFHT in the microwave. Stool pigeons may explode if they come into contact with the PFHT.
  • One size fits all pets, thanks to the adjustable "sizing fold". Do not attempt to adjust the size of your pet's head to fit the PFHT.
Mitz the control freak
This is what your pet might look like without the PFHT! They may start to take over control of your house!
Why yes, I will accept a collect call from the FBI.com
This bird is going to sing to the Authorities!  Get your pet the PFHT now!
BONUS
But wait! The buyer will also be cool, as certified on paper!
But wait even more!  If you send payment within 2 business days of ordering, I'll send a flat Saskatchewan sticker!
The Terms Of Service [If you bid without reading these, heaven help you]:

I take the following forms of payment only [in the equivalent value of the winning bid price + shipping].

  • Monopoly money [exchanged at 0.0005% face value]
  • Canadian Tire money [at face value]
  • Traveler's cheques
  • Shiny beads, trinkets, or gold coins
  • Chocolate bars
  • Cod, the fish, at current market value.
  • Mexican Pesos, Japanese ¥, and even European Euros.
  • Australian $, UK £, Canadian $, coins or Money Orders.
  • American $ cash preferred.  Lots of it please.
  • Hershey's Kisses(tm) - please note that I will not consider melty sticky kisses a valid payment.
  • PayPal balance transfers in US$ are accepted if you don't have any of the above payments to offer, and are a boring fuddy duddy.
  • All legal currency must be dated from after the year 2000, since I don't want it to have the Y2K bug.  I prefer foreign cash, but you are welcome to pay with any option here.
  • I will put your separate auction items in one package, to save you money.  Weight and thickness restrictions of the package may limit how many auctions you can combine.

Here are some comments about my auctions:
"If you'd sold the rocks in your head, you'd be a millionaire by now." - Medicine Hat, AB

"The finest quality used junk I've ever seen on the Internet..." - Springfield, IL
"I love you... will you marry me?" - Kamloops, BC

"I laughed, choked and water backed through my nose." - Victoria, BC
"If he would auction off a chance to slap him upside the head I'd be sure to be highest bidder." - disturbingauctions.com user
" Finally, somebody has done something to protect our precious cat resources from Secret Government Mind-Control Rays." - Dave BarryPulitzer Prize winner for commentary
Thanks pink-haired-wonder
Even unusual pets can wear the PFHT.

Sincerely Stern Warning to deadbeats:
    No Non-Paying-Bidders please! If you buy and back out, I will hunt you down and taunt you to within a centimeter of what the local laws allow.  I will then send your name to a collection agency, and hired goons will knock on your door every evening interrupting your TV watching or intimate moments.  So please don't bid if you are looking for a thrill, it just isn't worth missing the end of your favourite program.
    By asking for a refund you forfeit your ghost to me but it will be returned if you bake me a cake and hand deliver it.

Yul..nevanomi's pet Ike in an imitation PFHT
An imitation foil hat is pictured. Notice the distraught look as the government reads Ike's mind? Click Ike's picture to hear him complain.

Right now I'm thinking you want to contact me and ask me if I'm serious.  Let me assure you that I take selling on the Internet completely seriously and will treat your question with the utmost professionalism.  If you don't email me to ask a question, you are being a poop head.

Sorry to keep going on like this, but I just remembered that if you don't leave feedback for me, I'll cry.

Please see my other items.  I'm a very diverse seller.
No pets were permanently annoyed in the making of this listing.
This listing, pictures, and PFHT Creative Commons some rights reserved computer_saskboy 2005

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Blog Archives & More & More & More & More & More & even older blog available here.
    In the 3 years since I've listed this auction on the Internet, it's had over 313,000 visitors.  That means it's remarkably unpopular, but I still think it's funny.  I may include at a later date some of the funnier emails and pictures I've received about the PFHT.
 


Blog Archives & More & More & More & More & More & even older blog available here.
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