February
6, 2006
You can comment on the
PFHT here, and emails are welcome too:
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If
you'd like a PFHT of your own, I'll custom build one for $4.95US with
FREE shipping.
NEWS UPDATE November 10,
2005: There's recently been concern that foil hats amplify
brain signals. I can assure you that in Saskboy Labs testing,
we've noticed no amplification, and who are you going to trust - the
bozos at MIT, or my highly trained four legged lab technicians with over 7 dog
years experience? For additional protection, I can custom modify
the PFHT into the Limited Edition which has a hydrocarbon [shopping
bag] layer, coated with peanut butter for additional brain wave
filtration. Polyethylene hydrocarbons are used on the Space
Shuttle, and the ISS, to protect astronauts from space radiation which
is no joke.
NEWS UPDATE December 22, 2005: Saskboy Labs has determined that
PFHT customers were 100% protected from Bush's illegal NSA wireless
tapping. For those affected, you might want to brush up on what
"Rule of Law" means. Saskboy remains proud to have been
protecting pet brains from Bush, since 2003.
NEWS UPDATE: January 20, 2006: The
Toronto Star published a report on foil hats. It seems the
main stream media is taking notice of the importance of brain scan
blocking, as are webloggers from LiveJournal. In this Canadian
election time, it's important to wear your foil hat at all times, and
to also ensure your pet can't be influenced by Stephen Harper, Paul
Martin, Jack Layton, or Jim Harris who all have secret NSA brain
transmission technology broadcasting full blast from the US Embassy in
Ottawa.
--Jump back
to main blog page-- Or continue
reading the many reasons to buy:
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As seen on CNN
Headline News!
All of my
items are REAL. You buy - you pay - I ship.
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Pet Foil Hat Technology (PFHT)
is the sorta-patented system that protects you and
your pet from the government's and alien's brain scan rays!

Fatboy
likes his PFHT |

This
offer is truly GINORMOUS! |
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Technical
Jargon:
This ultra
modern aluminum foil hat will protect your pet from the brain
scanning rays of the NSA, certain 'bay auction' websites,
fbi.com, and CIA satellites that are monitoring their little
subversive thoughts. You may not have considered this before, but
your lead lined hat is worthless if your pet can give away your
secrets to the very people most dangerous to you - your government!
The PFHT contains space age materials, and is
guaranteed to work for your pet. All government I/O is cut off.
It's like a firewall for your pet's brain.
"PFHT"
will not disappoint anyone who doesn't want to get noticed by the ever
watchful and ultra secretive FBI.com!
So secret in fact, they don't even have a website.
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Space
Age features of this fantastic product:
- 100% effective at stopping the government from reading
your pet's brain.
- Non-Carcinogenic!
- Contains
acceptable molar measures of uranium, radon,
and chocolate = 0.0000000000314% or less.
- Scientifically
proven effective.
- Effectiveness
denied by 9 out of 10 creationists who haven't examined the intelligent
design of this product.
- Works as scalp
sunscreen for bald pets.
- Stops Fox News
transmissions from penetrating your pet's impressionable and
sponge-like brain. Most other anti-propaganda devices charge
extra, but this is a free feature with your purchase of the PFHT.
- Your pet won't
understand what George Bush says, when they wear the PFHT.
- Blocks the CIA
brain scans.
- Scrambles the
NSA brain scans.
- Poaches the
FBI.com brain scans.
- Bakes potatoes
when placed around a potato in a hot oven.
- Your cat can't
do Ctrl-Alt-Delete after you put the PFHT on them. Other pets
don't know how to type, so the PFHT isn't required to stop "pet
keyboarding" on those other species.
- Works
as a Birthday gift for your pet!

Use "The Hat" only as recommended:
-
Pet Rocks do not need the PFHT since they
are immune to brain scans, because they lack brains. That, and you'll
confuse the poor pet rock.
-
This particular model of Foil Hat deflector
is good underwater on your fish, or outdoors in the
rain. Please bring your pet in during thunderstorms.
-
Do not attempt to tamper with the
PFHT. It has built in "anti-authority" technology which will make
it burst into flames upon close inspection by authorities. Please
do not put the PFHT in the microwave. Stool pigeons may explode if they
come into contact with the PFHT.
-
One size fits all pets, thanks to the
adjustable "sizing fold". Do not attempt to adjust the size of your
pet's head to fit the PFHT.

This is what your pet might look like without the PFHT! They may start
to take over control of your house!
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This bird is going to sing to the Authorities! Get your pet the
PFHT now! |
BONUS
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But wait! The buyer will
also be cool, as certified on
paper!
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But wait even
more! If you send payment within 2 business days of ordering,
I'll send a flat Saskatchewan sticker!
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The Terms Of Service [If
you bid without reading these, heaven help you]:
I take the following forms of payment only [in
the equivalent value of the winning bid price + shipping].
- Monopoly money [exchanged at 0.0005% face
value]
- Canadian Tire money [at face value]
- Traveler's cheques
- Shiny beads, trinkets, or gold coins
- Chocolate bars
- Cod, the fish, at current market value.
- Mexican Pesos, Japanese ¥, and even
European Euros.
- Australian $, UK £, Canadian $,
coins or Money Orders.
- American $ cash preferred. Lots of it
please.
- Hershey's Kisses(tm) - please note that
I will not consider melty sticky kisses a valid payment.
- PayPal balance transfers in US$ are accepted
if you don't have any of the above payments to offer, and are a boring
fuddy duddy.
- All legal currency must be dated from after the
year 2000, since I don't want it to have the Y2K bug. I prefer
foreign cash, but you are welcome to pay with any option here.
- I will put your separate auction items in one package, to save
you money. Weight and thickness restrictions of the package may
limit how many auctions you can combine.
Here are some comments about my auctions:
"If you'd sold the rocks in your
head, you'd be a millionaire by now." - Medicine Hat, AB
"The
finest quality used junk I've ever seen on the Internet..." -
Springfield, IL
"I love you... will you marry me?" - Kamloops, BC
"I
laughed, choked and water backed through my nose." - Victoria, BC
"If he would auction off a chance to slap him
upside the head I'd be sure to be highest bidder." -
disturbingauctions.com user
" Finally, somebody has done
something to protect our precious cat resources from Secret Government
Mind-Control Rays." - Dave
Barry - Pulitzer Prize winner for
commentary |

Even unusual pets can wear the PFHT.
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Sincerely Stern Warning to deadbeats:
No
Non-Paying-Bidders please! If you buy and back out, I will hunt
you down and taunt you to within a centimeter of what the local laws
allow. I will then send your name to a collection agency,
and hired goons will knock on your door every evening interrupting your
TV watching or intimate moments. So please don't bid if you are
looking for a thrill, it just isn't worth missing the end of your
favourite program.
By
asking for a refund you forfeit your ghost to me but it will be
returned if you bake me a cake and hand deliver it.

An imitation foil hat is pictured. Notice the
distraught look as the government reads Ike's mind? Click Ike's picture
to hear him complain.
Right now I'm thinking you
want to contact me and ask
me if I'm
serious. Let me assure you that I take selling on the
Internet completely seriously and will treat your question with
the utmost professionalism. If you don't email me to ask a
question, you are being a poop head.
Sorry to keep going on like this, but I just
remembered that if you don't leave feedback for me, I'll cry.
No pets were permanently annoyed in the
making of this listing.
This listing, pictures, and PFHT
Creative Commons some rights reserved computer_saskboy 2005
--Jump to
main blog page--
Blog Archives
& More & More & More
& More & More & even
older blog
available here.
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In the 3 years
since I've listed this
auction on the Internet, it's had
over 313,000 visitors. That means it's remarkably unpopular, but
I still think it's funny. I may include at a later date some of
the funnier emails and pictures I've received about the PFHT.
Blog Archives
& More & More & More
& More & More & even
older blog
available here.
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