Abandoned Stuff by Saskboy

In the University of Regina’s Carillon student newspaper, the classified ads are free, and you have 5 lines to write them. They are known as the Declass ads, and usually contain as much nonsense as real ads. Typically there are people complaining about fellow students or professors, and email addresses for lame employment opportunities. Sometimes there are special series that readers write, and the most interesting of late have been the Kate and Tim series of semi-romantic prose.

My black stallion Tim — For there is a yoke on my lonely heart, and the dew is collecting on my monologue of sorrow. For yorkshire pudding is now bitter on my tongue, and only your chariot of Windsor can please my palette. Kate

In the same paper is the following:

My fair maiden Kate — The sun ceases to shine on my withered brow. For the only company I have is my pharrot, Rupert. He enjoys not of my crab cakes, for you are the yeast of my crab cakes. Rise oh cakes of love, Tim

In reply someone had written next week, the following:

Who is this Tim with the savage pen? He plays on the strings of my offspring’s heart like that of a lusty fiddle. To the lions with him, I say! Only when their bellies are full of Tim will mine heart feel feel satisfaction — Kate’s Mom

And now joining those mysterious entries, will be these passages bound to be classics:

Sweet Ashley,
I long for the fragrance of your underarms,
The gentle tickle of your toes on my forehead,
A spring breeze cannot compare to your breath in the morning,
Cool and wild and full of minty freshness.
- John

Dear John,
I had an excellent weekend with Tim and Kate. Where the hell were you?!!
- Ashley

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Some more Carillon news.
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Ashley and I walked around the Cornwall Center today. We noticed the historic marker for the Regina Riot in 1935 July 1 when leaders of a great march to Ottawa were arrested and the public was beaten down for protesting the work camps of the Great Depression.