Target: America - Exploding Boobs
Austin Powers predicted the future of airline terrorism, with the invention of Fembots. Imagine a suicide bomber with exploding breast implants. There is no way to detect them, other than well… by looking, and x-ray imagers will see them as silicone implants when they are really explosives. So the implanted lady will just get onto the plane, light up her nipples, and bang! Everyone dies!
Can you imagine that scene? The look of horror on people’s faces while caught in the headlights as the bomber stands from her seat, ripping off her blouse and brasier, removing a concealed match from her ample cleavage, striking the match on the 5 o’clock shadow of a weary businessman, and touching it to the fuses in each of her nipples, just before a giant explosion rips their faces right off. I can’t imagine that no one in transport security hasn’t thought of this threat before!
Crooks & Liars describes the attack on gel bras. How long is it until penis-extensions aren’t allowed on planes too? Be careful not to wet your pants with fear, or US airline security will remove them for you.
Any liquids discovered will be removed from the passenger.
Now instead of breast feeders being given dirty looks on the plane, anyone with a B-cup or larger will get funny stares from security and those around them. I’m not sure women can handle that extra attention on their chests, not to mention the most overweight males.
Perhaps it’s time to put an end to the silly restrictions on children’s juice bottles, musical instruments, and all liquid containers, and just go back to our Post 9/11 World where shoe scans, and belt checks pacified the most nervous traveller and deterred the most determined terrorist. It’s crazy what people are putting up with to fly, but no crazier than exploding boobs.
CC points to the Canadian list of banned substances. Boobs are not among them.
Cathie from Canada gets the hat tip for the Nudists on a Plane.
Other bloggers realize the threat to dignity as well.
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August 18th, 2006 at 3:19 pm
Why is it that the word “ample” is only used in conjunction with the word “cleavage” or “bosom”?
August 18th, 2006 at 3:41 pm
I had AMPLE opportunity to choose another word, but my mind was heaving.
August 19th, 2006 at 6:19 pm
Hmmmm…. you’ve just given me an idea…
August 20th, 2006 at 12:09 pm
Wendy, I hope you’re not a terrorist then, and you only use the idea for good and not evil ;-)
Terrorists don’t use the Interweb, right?
March 28th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
[…] The web is buzzing with ordinary folks who think the TSA is full of really SMRT people. These particular ones found that I predicted the new War on Boobs. […]